With job losses prevalent in our society, it is not uncommon to know someone or experience a lay off yourself. How you support someone who got laid off can really impact the quality of your relationship, your emotional well-being, as well as be the fuel for what that person needs to move forward. Here I offer some tips from my experience both being laid off as well as having friends and family deal with job loss.
I was recently with a close friend, whose husband had been laid off and they were both having a hard time managing their emotions. He had gotten really depressed, and it caused her to get angry and bitter. I encouraged her to support him in the ways I describe below. It helped her to view the situation differently and led to being better able to care for herself and understand her spouse.
Let them know how competent and valuable they are
When someone has been laid off, the first thing to go is their ego. Even if it was for a pure financial decision, someone laid off will often question “why did this happen to me? Was I not good enough?” Whatever you know to be a strength of this person, now is a great time to remind them. “You are so intelligent, and capable”. “They will miss your loyalty”. “I always admired your strong communications skills and work ethic”. Find a sincere way to acknowledge them.
Offer support in little ways
Find a way that is natural for your relationship to offer a small level of support. If you are a close friend – maybe offer to take them to lunch, meet for coffee, or go for a walk. Are you a spouse? Perhaps give them a back rub, or cook them their favorite meal or whatever kindness makes them feel nice. If you were a colleague, do you have connections to help them with their next role? Do you know of a recent job that opened up?
Allow them to go through a wide range of emotions
When someone is laid off, they will often experience grief. This may cause them to be angry, sad, happy, relieved, somber, etc. a roller coaster of different feelings. This may be difficult to deal with, especially if you are close or live with the person. Try to think of their situation as if they are temporarily ill and not feeling well for a while.
Just listen
Sometimes you just need to lend an ear and listen to the person vent. They may want to express anger or sadness or other feelings associated with their job. They may be in shock for awhile if they didn’t see it coming. You don’t always need to offer a solution. Just listening empathetically is probably the best medicine.
This can sometimes be hard for me because I always want to give them advice. A little advice maybe ok. Don’t reprimand them and say “Oh, you should have known your boss was out to get you” …..or “Didn’t you see it coming since your company wasn’t doing well”.
Eventually, encourage them
When you’ve had a chance to listen, at an appropriate time, you can encourage them. My mother in-law used to tell me “don’t worry about a thing, it’ll all work out the way it is supposed to”. Somehow she was right. When I got laid off, I eventually got a job, that really helped me to grow in my career.
Maybe they needed a break from work or wanted to retire. Perhaps they were working so hard they didn’t have time to spend with kids or were getting sick all the time. I do believe everything happens for a reason, but we can’t see it at the time something bad happens to us. I sincerely believe the greater opportunity awaits around the corner. Help them to see the silver lining.
Take care of yourself
If you are close to the person, or a family member, you may also experience strong emotions. You may feel angry at the person laid off or bitter. You might be thinking “why can’t they just manage their emotions….why don’t they get off the couch and look for a job…what’s taking so long?”
In order to manage these emotions, and still love and care for the person, you will also need to see to it that you are taking care of yourself as well. Remember to eat well, exercise, get good sleep, engage in hobbies you love, socialize, etc.
In the end, everyone is responsible for their own happiness. We can support people, but in then they are responsible for making their own decisions. It may be, that they need a greater level of support, such as a therapist or a career counselor can provide.
A lay-off can be an emotional and financial set back. However, it can also be a stepping stone to the next best thing. Our life is full of windy roads that have ups and downs. How we deal with them makes all the difference. May this guide on how to support someone who got laid off help you both to have more comfort and joy in your life. That makes all the difference.
