My mother passed away recently. I was such a fan of my mother, it was both a shock and a very sad event. When she was on life support in the hospital and 2000 miles away, I had to face some tough decisions. Do I jump on a plane and go her see her before she passes? What about my job? How much time do I get off? What about my current projects? What will I have to take care of when my mom passes? How long will I need to stay? Since I recently encountered these issues, I wanted to share my experience and discuss how to handle your job when you have a death in the family.
We have to face the reality that in spite of a dear loved one passing and how emotionally trying that is, we still need to return to work. We need to act professionally and responsibly at a time when we feel weak. If you have a good job, you want to still hold onto it and return in a good way. This article will go over how to handle your job when you have a death in the family.
Pause and take a moment to consider the big picture
When you have a death in the family, you may have racing thoughts and want to jump on the next plane to get to the situation. However, try to pause and think through the whole situation. Recently when my mom passed, I knew I was going to need some time to plan her funeral that week. Since she was the second parent to pass, I was going to need some time to start working on settling her estate, such as filing papers with the state, meet with realtors to sell her house, and help my sister find a new place.
I also thought about what I had on my plate at work. What would my work situation look like when I returned? I considered all of these things, before I spoke with my boss.
Check your company’s bereavement policy
You might be wondering how much time off you need for a death in the family. How do you know when to go back to work? Check if your company has a bereavement policy and how much time they allow. In my company, if it is a close relative such as your Mom or Dad or spouse or child, you get 5 days off. I knew I would need extra time to start working on her estate, and my mother lived far away from me. So I took an additional 4 days of PTO (paid time off) for a total of 9 days off. How much you take will depend on your personal needs and what your work allows.
Communicate with your boss
You may be wondering how you let work know that you have a death in the family. The first step is to let your boss know that you had a death in the family. Be specific about which family member as leave can vary depending on who it is. A simple email or phone call should do. Let him know how long you will be gone. Most supervisors will be sympathetic and will do their best to accommodate you at work. You may need to fill out some HR form to take the time off as well, such as in Workday or other HR web-based tool.
Take care of your “out of office” tasks before you leave
While its tempting to just rush out, take a moment to take care of a few office tasks. Set your “out of office” message for your emails. Cancel any meetings and notify the attendees. Ask qualified coworkers to cover for you. This will make your life so much easier when you return. It also gives you peace knowing you are being responsible and leaving work appropriately. If you are physically or emotionally unable to do this, due to the situation, you can notify your boss to do this for you.
Take your laptop and charger with you if you have to travel
If you have to travel to tend to the emergency, make sure to take your laptop, charger, and any files on a USB drive with you. Sometimes, you may have to be gone longer than you anticipate. This allows you work from any site, if you are able to. For the death of both of my parents, I was gone for 3 weeks to a month. However, I was able to work from home so didn’t need to take the whole time as a leave or rush back. I could take care of estate plans, before and after work, which I could do from my parent’s home.
Be patient with yourself when you return to work
It may actually feel good to return to work. When I return to a routine, work actually feels normal, expecially when you have gone through so much trauma and change due to a death. However, you need to be patient with yourself for awhile. You may not be your “best worker self” for awhile as you may need time to heal.
If possible, allow yourself to ease back into work. Don’t take the most challenging of tasks, such as giving a presentation, a tough meeting or performing a demonstration for awhile. Like it or not, there may be lingering tasks, such as from settling an estate. When I returned to work I felt drained. There are rising and falling emotions. Be sure to eat well, get sleep, exercise and generally take extra good care of yourself to heal.
Allow coworkers to support you
I actually let people I work with regularly know that I just lost a loved one. It actually makes people more patient and extra kind towards you for awhile. It helps them to support you and accommodate you, such as by easing up on demands, or being more considerate. However, if you prefer to just phrase it as a “family emergency” or something more private that is fine too. Do what makes you most comfortable.
Losing a family member is really tough. Not only is it emotional, but you are faced with an onslaught of tasks to do. However, take a moment to pause, be patient with yourself, and others. Often times, our work family rises to the occasion and really comforts us and supports us during this trying time. We realize though we’ve lost a beloved one, love continues to bloom around us, even at work.
